Day Seven Hundred Seventy

Very deep. Very true. Brings a lot of things to mind. I think I need to keep pondering this one for a bit...

Day Seven Hundred Sixty-One

Six years ago today, I felt her. I felt for the first time my body telling me what a vulnerable state she was in. I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know what could happen. But I felt her in me and with me. She was there.

In the days that followed, I felt her. I felt for the first time my heart in heavy pieces that seemed they would be impossible to put back together. I didn't know how to go on without her. I didn't know if I could go on without her. But still I felt her in me and with me. She was there.

This morning, on the day she would have turned six years old, I feel her. I feel for the first time the love that she introduced me to, because it's bigger and touches me in different ways every day. I feel the indescribable mix of joy and pain that was having her and losing her all at once. I feel robbed of the giggles and smiles, the kisses on my cheek and the skinny arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I feel blessed by the overwhelming reach her life continues to have. I don't know who she would have been. I don't know who she could have been. But I know who she is. I feel her in me and with me.

She is here.

Happy Birthday, Elena. Your light still shines the brightest.