Day 462 - Weigh In

You think by now I'd know to expect the unexpected. But today I was looking for something. Something specific. I was four tenths of a pound away from a total weight loss of 50 pounds. FIVE-OH! That's big to me. It's those round numbers that seem to validate all the smaller numbers that came before them, for some reason. Most weeks I walk into weigh-in having no clue what the scale will say. But today, I just knew it was going to reveal a milestone.

Instead, Jim looked at the digital display and said with a lilt in his voice, "You stayed the same." WHAT?!?!?! "No change. Still 163.8, you're down a total of 49.6." I don't know what my face did but my heart sunk. It wasn't like I was looking to make my goal this week, I just wanted that four tenths! I was doing exactly what WW recommends...set small, achievable goals and celebrate them along the way. I think most would agree that four tenths is small by any measure. And I was pretty sure it was achievable. But apparently not today.

What made it harder was that others were expecting it, too. Jon and I talked about it on and off throughout the past week. He and Zaya came to the meeting with me today and he brought the camera to capture my reaction. We had planned on staying after weigh in for the meeting. But everything changed in a quick second. I knew I couldn't stay because I could feel my face getting flushed and the tears welling up already. We got to the car and I lost it, fell into Jon's arms crying as if someone had just run over my puppy or something.

Was it really just that tiny fraction of a stupid pound that devastated me? No, of course not. It's never that simple. As I've indicated in recent posts there's a lot going on in our lives. Some of it's good, some of it's not, most of it is stressful. The past week held a lot of anxiety for me and I think I had been looking to weigh-in day as a light at the end of the tunnel. As I said to Jon in the car, "I needed it. I needed it today."

When I had composed myself we headed to the beach for Jon to play volleyball. The weather was amazing, the beach was virtually empty. I got in a volley workout and Zaya and I spent hours on the sand near the water finding shells, digging holes, splashing in the ocean. Then we headed to Jon's parents house to rest and decompress a bit. And just as unexpectedly as the morning began, the evening ended with an impromptu dinner out to celebrate Isaiah's birthday week.

So yes, it was a good day. Not the good I expected, but the good that was meant to be. I need to learn how to be more accepting of that. The glass is...more than half full. I may forget that sometimes, but it is.