Day Four Hundred Sixty-Eight

Was talking to G yesterday about self-image. I mentioned to him, as I have to other men I know, that guys just seem to "know" they are attractive. Whether it's a defense mechanism to shield their own insecurities or a downright cocky attitude, guys always appear to be better at projecting a confident self-image.

His response was, "If enough people tell you that you're attractive, you start to believe it's true." Which I found interesting because I think for many women (myself included), it's much different. I told him that when girls hear compliments they think people are just being nice, not wanting to hurt their feelings with what they really think. To which G replied, "That's BS!" And then he asked me very plainly, "Surely you don't still think that, right?"

Which got me to thinking. What DO I really think about myself at this point? It's obviously not the same self-image I had fifty pounds ago. But it's also not the level of confidence I hope to eventually achieve. Some days I look in the mirror and marvel at the difference in my body. Other days, it seems I'm only able to see the flaws and the road still left ahead of me. I told G it's a process and I'm waiting for my mind to catch up to my body.

I take comfort from a story that Jim at WW told us about his wife after she met her weight loss goal. He had bought her a dress to show off her new figure and was excited to give it to her. She went to the bedroom to try it on and he heard sobs coming from the room. When he went in to see what was wrong, she was wearing the dress and through her tears told her husband "I look fat." She had lost 75 pounds but standing in front of that mirror all she could see was her old body. Jim said it took about a year for her "mental weight-loss" to catch up with the physical.

At the end of my conversation with G, I told him I really am happy because there's no denying the progress I've made. I accepted a challenge from myself and I've already won. As Mama pointed out, she sees the progress just in the fact that I can refer to myself as beautiful, albeit "a beautiful mess." That's definitely a big step in the right direction. And the rest of the steps, whether they're baby steps or long strides, are all part of the journey.