Day One Hundred Twenty-Seven

Facts, figures and fears. These are three of the things that have played a very important role in my weight loss journey. Finally facing the fact that I had let myself get far beyond the point I ever wanted to be - that's what got me to go to WW. Realizing that I have the power to change the numbers on the scale, the figures - that has motivated me to continue. And conquering fears that I have carried with me for thirty years - that's been the great reward.

We'll begin with the facts and figures of this weekend. I was definitely more focused in the last half of the week. Got back to tracking my points and tried new exercise (which I'll get to a little later). The result was a really good weigh-in day. I lost 1.4 lbs. last week, for a total loss of 37.4 lbs. I'm now at 176! It's still surreal for me to realize that I don't weigh over 200 lbs. anymore. I defined myself that way for so long. I'm only 21 lbs. away from my goal, which seems so reachable to me now.

This was also a monumental week for me in that I faced a huge fear, one that has been with me for years. I went to the gym for the very first time. Yes, ever. Had never stepped foot inside the doors of a gym before. Those of you who have been reading this blog since the beginning or if you've gone back and read some of the early entries, you know how emotional of an experience this has been for me. You have an idea of the level of insecurity I've fought against for most of my life. That's why the concept of going to work out - something so common to most people - has seemed completely out of reach for me. The thought of exercising in front of, heaven forbid, PEOPLE, has scared me to death. Don't get me wrong, my mind understands that not everyone who goes to the gym is a hot babe. They're just regular people, I get that. But somehow I've always seen myself as "below" any of those people because I was so unhappy with the way that I looked.

So thanks to my good friend J, who has a free guest pass on his gym membership, I decided to take the plunge. When we parked the car I actually said, "I'll just stay here and wait while you go work out." I couldn't imagine walking in those doors. And the level of anxiety within me rose with each step toward the building. Which is why I thought I was going to fall over and die when the guy at the counter promptly took my ID and announced to the entire gym that I was a first-timer. Surprisingly enough, after being completely horrified, I was much more at ease.

We headed upstairs to do some weight training...something I've never done before. I couldn't tell you what all the different machines were if my life depended on it. But I learned a lot. And I was thrilled because I know that aside from general weight loss, toning up is another part of my goal. I'm not trying to get fancy, just firm up and be fit. Trying all this new stuff was a really great experience. And while I still lack a lot of confidence when it comes to working out in a social environment like that, I can safely say that I'm excited and looking forward to the next opportunity to go back. So tonight's shout out is to J, for opening the door and helping me take that huge first step.

I'd also like to say thanks to A, who joined me last night for my first "girls night out" in a really long time. We had a great dinner, saw a fantastic show, and dessert was...frankly, amazing. Totally way out of my points range (fresh warm cookies and ice cream to die for, enough said), but completely worth it. A, you are the best date ever. And I have to say that I recognize, if it were not for the weight loss and my changing self-image, I would have passed over an opportunity like this. Taking the time to go out and have fun means that I accept myself more, and don't worry so much about what I look like.

So I guess there's another word I need to add to the list. Facts, figures, fears, and best of all friends. You know who you are. Thank you for being a part of the journey.