Day Eighty-One & Day Eighty-Two

I had started typing a completely different post about an hour ago, and I was fine. Then I sat down to watch the season premiere of ER. Abby just went into pre-term labor. Baby is in the NICU. And here I am, a sniffling, sobbing mess. That show can do it to me every time. In sixty minutes, minus commercial time, I just relived both of my pregnancies and the extreme birth outcomes. In one case, holding my daughter for only a matter of hours before saying goodbye to her forever. In the other case, welcoming my son far too early and praying he wouldn't see the same fate. It's amazing how immediately all those feelings come flooding back, streaming down my face. How easily I get angry and scared and humbled by my place in this world.

This all becomes even more intense as this power-packed episode happened to air on the eve of my sixth wedding anniversary. Tomorrow marks so much more than just six calendar years. It marks the seven years prior that ushered us into our wedding day. It marks hundreds of thousands of minutes, life in its truest form. Long talks, celebrations, road trips, collaborations, great ideas, unintentional hurts, gains and losses, belly laughs and swollen tears. And so much in between that our feeble brains forget. But the sum of these parts is a genuine partnership, a life together that prompts only gratitude.

So what will we do in honor of this momentous occasion? We're still not sure. It will most definitely involve food, much of which may not be on my regular WW plan. But I'm looking forward to it. No one really knows the history behind my finally deciding to do something about my weight. How much Jon has always supported me, wanting what's best for me but never pushing. Telling me how beautiful I am, and wishing I wouldn't cry every time because I never believed it myself (am still struggling with this one). He's played a big role in shaping who I am today. And in bringing about the fact that I almost actually like who that person is.

On days like this I marvel at the little things God puts on the path to bring you back to center. Put things in perspective. Something as silly as watching a show on TV. For each of us it's different, whatever it takes to get our attention. I'm thankful I was paying attention. I hope you're paying attention, too.