So I haddabadday. Not really. The events of the day were fine. Just feeling crappy. Part of it is that we just got back from our not-so-power walk. I don't recommend taking a week off from exercise. Everything felt out of sync and I'm out of focus. And ultimately, I feel FAT. Like over the weekend twenty-five pounds just jumped up, clamped onto my body and screamed, "We're not going anywhere!!!" I felt every jiggle, and hated it. And then toward the end, my right hand and foot started to go numb. I was thinking to myself, "What's wrong with me? Am I having a stroke?" It was weird.
The highs and lows that I can have in a single day are amazing. Today at work, one of my co-workers came back from being on vacation for the entire summer. She hadn't seen me since the end of April. When she did see me, her eyes got huge and she couldn't stop saying how great I look. She said I'm a "shadow of my former self." It was neat to see such a sincere reaction. Then in the evening, as I'm walking, I'm feeling flabby and thinking to myself, "How did I let myself get to this point?" Ultimately I know there are a lot of answers to that question. It's purely rhetorical. But still, it was there in my head.
I know everything's good. I look at my 25 pound magnet on the fridge and still marvel that I've come this far. That's why we have those magnets and bookmarks and keychains. They serve as good reminders for moments like this. May seem like small potatoes (unnecessary food reference) to others, but they're a big deal to a WW gal like me.
Tomorrow is another day, Lord willing. I'm looking forward to it.
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"How did I get to this point?" Rhetorical, yes, but an important question that you are at least asking. Many people don't even know that they should be questioning some things, let alone knowing what question to ask. They just let life happen and then say, "It must be God's will" or some other statement that takes responsibility away from them.
It is messy and may get messier because that is where the work is: to tough through the fat, jiggly days amidst doubts and still keep going! That is what this is about. Forging through, committment to ourselves to be good to ourselves.
I love you.
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