Day 57: Weigh In

Actual conversation from our WW meeting today: "So how did the skinny one do (referring to me after my weigh in)?" I told her I am down three pounds from last week, bringing my loss total to 24.6 lbs. "What are you doing," she asked me. "I'm just following the program." And that's the truth. Like anything else in life, the program works if you follow the guidelines, stick with it through the rough spots and believe that it can be done.

The meeting was great. Jim, our new leader, is an encourager and a "get off your butt" kinda guy. He is quite an inspiration, having lost 227 lbs. He brought in some "before" photos and a very clever "after" photo of he and his wife (who has lost 75 lbs.) each standing in one pantleg of his old fat pants. We're very fortunate to have another encourager after losing Mary. It was tough to not see her picture up at the front of the room today, but she's making her presence known. I received a "thinking of you" email from her last night. And if you're reading this right now Mary, you missed me doing my jumping up and down dance today!!!

The topic of discussion at today's meeting was being kind to yourself. Such a good thing to talk about. People in general, but women especially, often feel guilty being kind to themselves. We feel like if we have the time and energy to put into doing something for ourselves, that time and energy should be put to use for someone else. I know I've felt that way for most of my life. And I've watched other women in my life overextend themselves. But truth be told, how much real use can you be to someone else if you're worn out, depressed, and exhausted? It's a fine balance, one that we have to rely on God to reveal to us.

I consider signing up for WW a way of being kind to myself. I never thought that I deserved to be less than 200 lbs., to be attractive, to love myself. I felt like I owed it to the people in my life to be their stronghold, all the while ignoring my own needs. It's a neverending cycle because the more drained you are, the way back seems further away and not worth the effort.

I believe that God has a purpose for each of us. I believe He wants us to bless others and places people in our lives for that purpose. But in order to stand in the gap when they need us, we have to be nourished, we need to be fed. This is me being fed (yes, I guess that pun was intended). I am feeding myself physically and spiritually with healthy food now. I am watching what I take in because it directly effects what I put back out into the world. I am examining myself instead of hiding. And I'm finally doing something about what I find, instead of kicking it far under the bed. The work can only be done when you bring everything out, shine the light on it, look at it for what it is. Deal with it. And then move on with renewed confidence and strength, having been prepared for the next step.