Day Fifty-One

Lots of firsts today. Well, maybe not really firsts, but if it's something you haven't done in, say, ten years, I think you get to call it a "first" again. Like a statue of limitations or something.

So I kicked off the early morning power walk with a power skate! That's right folks, the lonely rollerblades that have been sitting in their original box since the ONE TIME I actually used them, they saw the light of day today. That was exciting. I can remember that one day, testing out my skates in the park, Jon trying to teach me. I was basically unteachable because I was so easily frustrated with myself. It was another one of those things I didn't think I could do, so I gave up. When you're ready to give up, there's always a readily available excuse or two to justify your decision. "My shins hurt." "I can't figure it out." "Maybe I should try somewhere else (translation: I'm never trying this again). But today, I wasn't worried about becoming a world-class rollerblader. I wasn't self-conscious about what other people thought. I just skated, slow and steady. And what a great feeling that was.

After the first half of the beach stretch, I switched to my walking shoes. Got the blood pumping again. Then (get this) toward the end of the walk, I jogged! I think that was the first time I've ever jogged. I had been holding some kind of fear that I didn't know how to jog, like I needed some training or something. But this morning I just decided to give it a try. Amazing. I didn't push myself to go farther than I could, just stayed with the pace.

Later in the day, I was visiting with a friend and she was looking through our wedding photos. She commented on how much she liked my wedding gown. It must have jogged a memory or something, because I remembered something that I've never shared with anyone. This is top secret information, so put your seatbelts on.

Never Before Revealed: I told everyone that I ordered my wedding gown (which I was not incredibly fond of) online to get a good deal, but really I was embarrased to go to a bridal shop.

Yes, that's the absolute truth. I had huge anxiety about strangers taking my measurement or friends and family helping me in the dressing room. The thought of anyone seeing my body terrified me. Man, is that deep. But that's how powerful our thoughts are. Thoughts, whether rational or irrational, can talk us into or out of just about anything. That's why it's so important to keep our thoughts in check.

Whew, that one's been bottled up a long time. But it is incredibly liberating to throw that out there. Because it's truth, and truth is what this journey is all about. Being true to who I really am. True to my body. True to my soul.