Day Forty-Eight

TCBY White Chocolate Mousse frozen yogurt is my new best friend!!! Sorry, I just had to get that out. The frozen treats were only part of a really wonderful day. We drove out to Camarillo for some walking and shopping at the outlet mall there. This has been one of Jon's and my favorite places to shop for years now. Typically we'd save a trip like this for stocking up when all our socks have holes in them. But today was not your typical trip.

The part I was looking forward to most was the drive. An hour or so on the road to Camarillo is the closest thing we've had to a vacation in a years. Once we got there we had a lot of fun browsing through countless clothing stores. Early on, I found my old thoughts coming back. Jon would say, "Hey you wanna look in here?" and I'd respond with, "Naw, they won't have my size." This is funny to me for two reasons. First, what the heck did we drive there for if I wasn't planning to look? And secondly, I don't even know what my size is anymore.

For the rest of the day I purposed to go into stores I would usually feel out of place in, look at clothes that I would usually pass right by. I had a great moment while trying on this pair of jeans in the Ralph Lauren store. Based on the size, I knew they weren't going to fit. But it was more about getting an idea of where I'm at and where I'm headed. So I'm in the dressing room very pleased, despite the fact that I couldn't button the darn things. It didn't bother me because for the first time in...forever I guess, I saw my shape, not just the fat. No apologies here, my butt looked darn good in those jeans! For the past few weeks I've only seen myself in all my saggy, baggy fat pants. Not the most attractive look in the world.

But the absolute best moment was coming out of the dressing room and seeing my two guys waiting there. Jon had such a look of pride, mainly because he knows it's a major accomplishment for me to try stuff on, let alone actually enjoy the process. I can see how fulfilling my own changes and personal growth are for him, because he loves me so much. Yes, you read right, I said I can see it. And I'm starting to believe it.

This really is one amazing ride.