Day Thirty-Three

"You look great, I can totally see it in your face." That is the quote of the day, ladies and gentlemen. Was doing my power walk at the park tonight, had just finished my first lap and ran into some friends that haven't seen me since July 4th, shortly after starting WW. That was the first thing my friend said to me. I hugged her for saying it, but I know she really meant it. An unprovoked comment from someone who last saw me 11 pounds ago, that meant a lot.

What's interesting is this is a friend from junior high and high school. Someone I hadn't seen since we graduated when she resurfaced late last year and I found her online. My first thought when I saw her picture was, "Man, she looks great." Gorgeous, athletic, well established in her job. Just impressed me right away. Meanwhile I was feeling like the shrinking violet in the corner who was afraid to reach out and make contact because I wasn't sure I wanted her to see me "this way."

So tonight we naturally got on the subject of weight loss and health (which didn't bother me at all) and she tells me that she was anorexic when we were in junior high. Her mother took her to the doctor because she was not healthy. No one knew she had been starving herself. I shared with her a memory that I've carried all these years. A remembrance of a passing joke she made about becoming bulimic. She said it non-chalantly but I remember taking it seriously enough to research bulimia and write a letter to a support center asking how I could help my friend.

Fifteen years later we're standing in the park and she tells me she no longer has a problem with eating. However she does obsess about exercise to keep the weight off. All of a sudden I felt like the healthy one. Me, the fat girl, talking to a physically fit woman about healthy perceptions of her body. How weird is that? And when I shared with her that the emotional part of this journey has been the biggest struggle, she didn't understand. She said I must have hid my insecurity because she never guessed I had felt that way. I told her I'm a good faker, always have been. And that's what I'm hoping to leave behind.

So the learning continues. It comes from everywhere...old friends, strangers, quiet moments alone. I keep discovering that I'm not alone, that there's nothing wrong with me. Exactly what I had hoped would happen.