Day Thirty-Seven

Had a great weekend. Yesterday we celebrated Jon's 35th birthday with a lot of fun and, of course, a lot of food. The funny thing is that I was so busy serving and mingling and chasing Isaiah that I hardly ate anything at all. I had one small piece of chicken, one forkful of potato salad and one piece of broccoli. I did indulge when it was time to cut the cake. But amazingly I came in with five points to spare for the day.

That's the physical. I did have a weak mental moment where I found myself feeling bad about the way I looked. We had spend most of the day in preparation for the party, so I was tired, didn't have a chance to change my clothes or do any "touch ups." And I briefly felt anxious about looking "good enough." But it was such a nice day and I enjoyed my time with everyone so much that the feeling faded.

The feelings were very different today. We were strolling through Target with a friend and I decided to try on some clothes for working out. I realize I'm only down 13 pounds, but the difference in the dressing room really amazed me. It was the first time in a long time I was able to look at my reflection with a genuine sense of, "hey, that looks good." It's usually more like, "well, that'll do." I'm slowly getting to the point where buying clothes is less about covering up and more about reflecting who I am.

The motivation stays strong and continues to come in from many different places. I'm motivated at WW meetings, I'm motivated when I know I'm eating good food and it's good for my body. I'm motivated when I see my son running through the park. I'm motivated when my husband looks directly into my eyes and says, "You look so good," referring to both my body and my soul. What a blessing to feel so much love from so many. Love for me, not for what I look like or the number on the scale.