Day Fifty-Two

Can't remember ever having a day begin and end on such different planes. Not even sure where to start. I guess the beginning is as good a place as any.

Had a lot of anxiety this morning. Nothing to do with my weight, but lots of other stuff. Now it seems funny that weight used to be such an overshadowing presence in my life. It was the main stress factor by which most other aspects of my life were affected. It determined my moods and how I perceived the world around me. My, how things change. Now getting outside for exercise or even a leisurely walk is like relaxation. And food is a much more enjoyable, guilt-free experience.

But back to my original point, so the day started out kinda blah. After work, we had some errands to run and by dinnertime were headed to our favorite spot at the park by the beach. Jon and I ate and talked, reflected on the summer as we are feeling it draw to a close. There's never been a summer quite like this one. Usually we would head home right away, but we decided to take a stroll down the bike path. Reflection and gratitude were the order of business, not exercise. Headed back to the car we run into an unlikely walking partner...a longtime friend and previous employer for both Jon and I. Associate Dean of the Annenberg School at USC, who has invited Jon to sit in on his masters level documentary film class. A class that starts tomorrow. What are the chances that we would run into this very special man in this place, at this time. It was all very unusual, in a wonderful way.

Walking along together, getting caught up on the events of life, I was awestruck. The faces, the hearts, the friendships of people whose paths have crossed with ours, it's more than overwhelming. This isn't the first instance of an acquaintance from the past revisiting our lives several years later to bless us in a completely different capacity than the first time around. People who extend themselves to us when they don't have to. It's a humbling experience. And it made me realize how far I've come. We are supported from all sides by loving friends, and yet I spent so much time afraid of what these same people were thinking about me, about my appearance, about my weight. I wasn't able to see that there was more to me than fat, so I didn't understand how others could.

The WW journey is one that leads to me, the core of myself. It's a destination I've never been to before. Each day holds new experiences. Each step, another level of awareness, acceptance and hope. I never thought I'd be here. I never knew what "here" was. Now that I am here, I don't ever want to go back.