Day Fifty-Nine, Day Sixty and Day Sixty-One

WHERE'S CARRIE? People are wondering. Getting all kinds of flack for missing a couple of blogging days. Folks are clamoring to hear my thoughts, who knew? Don't get excited, everything's fine. Everything's better than fine, actually. Stuff is happening quickly here, so I've been tied up. As Wade would say, my a-polly-ologies. I'll try to recap here.

The first thing is, through a random connection Jon found, there is interest in my jewelry. A connection that could help get me back into making and selling on a regular basis. To start, I'll be designing some things for an upcoming photo shoot, and I can't wait to pull my creativity out of the closet. I met with the owners of a local company that help plan weddings and events. They've got great vision and a great network in place. Realizing that I've been out of practice for awhile, Monday night I found myself literally dusting off some old sample pieces to show. I was pleasantly surprised...they're not half bad. They were enough to give a good idea of what I'm capable of.

As I was sitting in Starbucks with my legs crossed (something I do much more often now, simply because I CAN!), sharing thoughts with another entrepreneurial spirit, some things occurred to me. My confidence level is so different. I wasn't thinking about my fat. I was thinking about the things we were discussing...what a concept! I felt like I could really envision myself working creatively with weddings and fashion. I could fit into that world. The primary reason I didn't actively pursue marketing my jewelry in the past was because I didn't think I was good enough, in so many ways.

In the midst of all this new creative energy, I reconnected once again with an old friend. Someone who I probably took for granted in high school, but now can see has had my best interest in mind all these years. We've been out of touch for a long time. I shared about Elena and Isaiah with him. I told him about my insecurity and my weight loss. Each new revelation was completely accepted and embraced. Like these things are all a part of me and they're ok. Very enlightening stuff.

On a lighter note, after having eaten a breakfast burrito last week (nothing dietetic about it) and still losing three pounds, some co-workers and I have decided to institute Breakfast Burrito Wednesdays. I jokingly told them, "I'll do it til it stops working." I figure an occasional treat is not bad. So I had one today...really, really good. But my body is so not used to this type of food anymore. I didn't get sick or anything, just felt heavy and sleepy afterward. The original plan was to cut it in half and eat the rest later. But like most any Weight Watcher will tell you, it was in front of me, so I ate the whole darn thing.

Before this year and all of it's emotional changes, I think I probably missed out on a lot of things. I wouldn't have eagerly pursued a new jewelry contact. I wouldn't have let sleeping dogs lie with old friends. I wasn't sure of who I was because I was hiding under a lot of layers (physical and otherwise). That's what a lot of people don't understand about weight loss. It's not just aesthetic. It's not about vanity. Well, maybe a little. But mainly it's about changing from the inside out. And the fact is, until the inner changes come, you really won't see outer results.