Day Ten

Had family day at the beach and stopped at Giuliano's on the way for a picnic lunch to go. Initially, this worried me because I could almost taste the crumbled meatball and cheese sandwich. That would be my usual order. I figured either I wouldn't be able to resist ordering something with huge fat numbers, or that I wouldn't have much of a choice even if I wanted to. Was pleasantly surprised with my lunch selection - turkey breast on wheat bread with lettuce and tomato. It was really good. Sure I miss the mayo every now and again, but I really appreciated all the other fresh tastes...the ones I usually cover up with mayo.

Had some interesting struggles with body image today. Not so much while we were at the beach, but after we came home. It shocked me that I was walking around in a tank top in front of countless people on the sand and I wasn't all that self-conscious. Cut to walking in the door and getting a surprise visit from some of Jon's friends - instant anxiety. The very first thought I had was "I don't want them to see me this way." I still carry this desire to make Jon proud, to be a "model wife" for him, whatever that is, and I've never been convinced that I measure up.

Part two of the struggle came when I looked at the pictures we took today. Apparently the Carrie I saw in those photos had ballooned up from the Carrie I had seen in my mind all day. Basically it boils down to a simple fact that I once overheard from the next dressing room at a Lane Bryant store..."Fat ain't cute."

But I'm ok. I ate all of my 26 points today, no more, no less. And I still feel good about the fact that I am embracing this new lifestyle and working through my feelings about it, instead of ignoring them.