So minutes after I finished yesterday's post, feeling high on life and somewhat beautiful, I had a breakdown. I went to take a shower, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was overcome by this feeling of "I have so far to go." I was instantly discouraged, it was so strange. Tears and everything. Jon and I talked about it and I knew it was just a temporary thing. That's what this whole thing is about, the struggles and the victories. It all works together.
Today was relatively uneventful in the food and exercise arena. I stuck to my points without a problem and did 40 minutes on the treadmill. I think I've become accustomed to this new lifestyle. We even got in some "leisure activity" points with Isaiah at the park, attempting to fly a kite. The flying part didn't go so well, but we had a great time. It makes me so happy when we can be active together. The three of us strengthen and encourage each other.
Another encouragement is that Jon has really embraced the points plan and he's sticking with it. I know he's doing it for himself, for his health and I'm doing it for me, but we are truly a team.
Looking forward to Saturday again. We'll see.
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July
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1 comment:
Are you working on correcting your self-talk? The Scripture (somewhere?) says, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is," or something of that nature, but ya know what I mean.
A couple of weeks ago I went to work and when I got there I had second thoughts about what I had worn. So, as I sat in a meeting, I had these "thoughts" that people were thinking in their heads: "What on earth was she thinking?" When I felt that funny feeling, I ACTUALLY said to myself, "You really look pretty today." Now, that didn't necessarily change the reality, but I began to feel pretty. Truly.
Now, I am not saying that we invalidate your feelings, because they are there, and they are yours. But the difference in being beautiful and the world's physical critique of what "beauty" is, is the distance in your heart and mind from where you feel unattractive to where you know that you ARE ALREADY BEAUTIFUL. And that can happen in a split second whether you lose an ounce or not. This is where your work is, and you know this already. So go ahead and cry and be discouraged because that is all a part of the process. When we are discouraged and when we cry, it is never over just one thing. It is not the fat. It is other things that you are grieving and you must do that.
Another short story. When I was working as a secretary there was this doctor who was the nastiest most arrogant person I ever met. Now I was a young woman and didn't have trouble spotting a nice looking doctor. Anyway, I never thought that this guy was anything but ugly. One day we were at a department gathering and he was "across the room" as it were, and I just saw his physical appearance. His arrogant mouth was shut and he was just standing there. It was the first time I realized that this guy was handsome! And then, as fortune would have it he probably opened his mouth soon after and turned back into the darn frog. He was truly an ugly person to me. Because he was so ungly and condescending on the inside, it came out through his pores. That's it. Stel is over and out.
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