Day Thirty-One

Jon and I made good choices regarding use of points today. Decided we wanted the taste of a real cheese quesadilla with chicken, so we used a few more points than usual for lunch. Then went lighter on dinner with these great chicken fajitas from Trader Joe's. Both meals were very tasty and balanced each other out nicely. I had heavy snack cravings today. Not like when I'm frustrated and want to eat anything in my path. It was a very specific desire for snack-type food. That's when the sugar-free pudding cups come to the rescue. And the fat-free caramel corn (Trader Joe's again!). It's all in the choices.

I have failed to mention thus far how much harder balancing points can be for Jon sometimes. Because his starting weight was lower than mine, he only gets 20 points per day, while I get 26. It's tough to fit three meals into 20 points. But he really weighs out options and, again, makes good choices. He's doing a fantastic job for himself, in addition to being a vital support for me.

I'm noticing a real shift in my thinking, both with my weight and other areas of my life. For example, today I spent some concentrated time cleaning the kitchen. I only cleaned a portion of it, which would have bothered my mind tremendously in the past. I've always been one of those "finish what you start" people, to the extreme. I want it all done right now. But today I told myself ahead of time that I would clean one part of the kitchen and work on the rest a little at a time throughout the week. And I was ok with that. Really content. That's a new feeling for me.

I mention this because that's how I'm feeling about WW. While I would love to magically wake up one day and be thin, I'm appreciating the journey so much. I'm learning how to be thankful for how far I've come, as opposed to being discouraged by how far I have yet to go. Baby steps, one by one.

Tomorrow begins my second month on the program. It's also my baby girl's birthday. Elena would be four years old tomorrow, if she were still here. I miss her so much I could scream. And sometimes I do. But I'm so proud of her. And my heart knows that she's proud of her Mommy, too. The wonderful part is that Mommy is now proud of Mommy as well, and I think that makes her smile from her precious spot in heaven.