Day Twelve

I shared about being on WW with another friend at work today. Turns out she's been on WW, too. She also loves the program and says she often goes back to it when she needs to lose a few pounds. Our conversation started when she was headed for the office candy bucket and asked me, "Is there anything good in there today?" I said I didn't know, I haven't been looking. That's when I told her that I needed to make the commitment for myself, it just had to be done. She looked at me with such sincerity and said, "I'm so proud of you." I'm not sure why, but that really meant a lot to me. Maybe because she's proud already, I still feel like I'll be proud when I can see noticeable change.

An already good day got even better when Jon, Zaya and I picked up our low-points Subway sandwiches and headed to the beach for dinner. Jon has started following the points plan, too. It's funny how much I enjoy tallying up points for the both of us. I want him to be healthy, too. It's exciting for both of us to be on this path together, making good choices that will benefit us as individuals and, in turn, benefit our marriage and family life.

We were sitting in the sun, enjoying the magnificent ocean sights and sounds and having one of our silly talks about appearances and attractive qualities. In the past I've avoided those conversations like the plague. Any mention of someone else who is good looking played right into my insecurities and made me think he would rather be with someone prettier or skinnier or somehow better than me. I've always known I'm insecure, but it's surprising me how deep these wounds run. Tonight was different, though. I still may not be able to understand how I look through his eyes, but I felt how sincere he was when he described my beauty. He still remembers exactly where I was sitting in church the first time he ever saw me. That overwhelms me. No words.

I knew when I started this journey that it was about way more than food. But I had no idea I would be making new discoveries about myself each and every day. I'm learning about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I'm letting go of my resentment and hatred of my body, one tiny little piece at a time. What's even bigger than that is that each piece is being replaced by love and...I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...acceptance.

So yeah, today was a good day. I'm very thankful and feeling very alive.